why is it that the males of the United Kingdom Are extremely more attractive?
I've always adored the people of the United Kingdom. 
I love their voices. 


I feel extremely superficial. 

mood: contemplative

Philophobic,
Katsaridaphobia,
Insomniatic, 
Nostalgic, 
Pyromaniac,
Sadistic, 
Hypnophobia,
Masochistic, 
Somniphobic,
Schizophrenic,
Bipolar,
Psychotic,
Clingy, 
Pycho-social,
Annoying, 
Loud,
Imaginitive,
envyous,
Wrath-ful,
short-tempered,
Low-tolerance,
Superficial,
Alone, 
Happy,
Scared.
And More :) 
Possible side-effects may include: Love, Falling in love, Heartbreak, Loneliness, Hate, Wanting to separate yourself from me, Wanting to destroy my existence, Ask me before meeting. :D
Results may vary.

mood: amused

 I have decided I want to go to a detention center, just for the experience. Just so I can say "yeah, I've been to juivie."

But I'm not sure how my mother would react to that  XP

mood: mischievous music: Heartbreak warfare- John Mayer

My weekend was amazing, I loved almost every hour of it. I met someone new on Friday, Kyle, and hung out with a bunch of people, on Saturday I did a bunch of cool stuff, then Today, I did A 180 In a car, with Kyle and Nick C. It was awesome! Only a few things could have happened that could have made my weekend better than it was, but I finally lost that lonely feeling that I've had. Things are finally going the way I want them too. :DD 


But, On Wednesday, January 13, 2010 My boyfriend had ended our relationship, But NOW things started going good. Every thing's complicated with him and me, and I can't understand it. 
Hopefully things will work out even better than they are! 
Maybe I can pull my Grades up!! :DD





"Nothing to do, no where to be, Nothing to do, no one but me, That's all that it needs to be. I'm perfectly lonely"

mood: ditzy music: Perfectly Lonely - John Mayer

I Hate a lot of people, 
It's 2010
Im An Angry Person
A lot of people hate me
Im short tempered
I don't care about hardly anything, despite all the things I say.
I can't really be happy about anything.
I haven't looked forward to anything in a long time. 
I don't know if I'm happy about the relationship that I'm in, But I know I can't end it. 
I miss my friends
I haven't been hanging out with the people I want to hang out with.
I miss having fun.
It seems like  haven't had fun in a long time.
I've been pretty sad lately.
I feel invincible
I don't want to feel invincible
I have completely blocked pretty much every emotion except for hate.
I want to destroy something right now.
I scare myself.


"...I want your Knights to find her and bring her back to me, I do not care what condition she is in, as long as she is able to feel pain"
                 -God's Demon.

mood: lonely

 You talk to me like you want my help, And every time I offer to help, and give you advise, and offer my opinion You get pissed off at me, What the hell am I supposed to say? 
How the hell am I supposed to respond to anything  you say anymore?

mood: and confused and aggravated

 And This is one of those times, I don't care about anything. I feel like just whatever to everything. 
My emotions are surfacing for nothing. 
It's one of those nights where I stay up all night, write, read, and watch the sun rise this morning. 
Only today I have a camera. 

mood: pessimistic

I'm Blinded by "Love" But I Want This To Be Real.
I Can't Picture My Future Without You. 
And I Don't Know What I would Do Without 


Just fucking shoot me!
Tear my heart out and nail it to the wall, the blow my brains all over it,
I mean really.....
I'd rather be heartless and brainless and dead, than feel like this....

I would Tell Connor That I love him. 
I would tell everyone I cared for that I am sorry I'm not strong enough to keep living. 
And I would tell My best friend That she has saved my life, More times than She would think. 
And Thank All my friends for being there for me. 
And I am Sorry That I wouldn't be able to Stay There for them. 

tags: final words, regret, sorry, writer's block

I can't take it, 
I am sick of everyone's Drama, Mine own Included.
I'm Done. 
Ain't shit gonna stop it. 
I'm not going to deal with anyone's drama but my own, 
And I'm not gonna tell people what's wrong if anything is, 
I'm not even going to let anyone Know that anything is wrong. 
I'm tired of it. I'm Not going to deal with anyone else's bull shit anymore. 
And Im not going to say "I'm sorry," When I didn't even do anything. 
Fuck That.
:D
I'm Soooooooooooooo Happy. 

 You know that feeling in the back of your mind, The one that is telling you something bad is going to happen, and it eats at your brain working its way to the front of your thoughts and you try not to think about it because it starts to bring you down, but you can't help it and you can't think of anything else So then you try not to think at all, and when that doesn't work you just keep thinking and waiting for that bad thing to happen but it never does. And then finally you forget about it... for a few days. Then You start thinking about it again. Then you start to worry about it all the time... And you wait and wait and wait for it to happen, This feeling wont let you sleep or eat or breathe. It leaves you paralyzed and it hurts, You can't focus, You can't be Happy, but you try. You try just so people don't ask about it. Cause If the did you wouldn't have an answer. The truth is You Really Have No Clue. And people keep annoying you. "What's wrong?" "What's the matter?" and you tell them "nothing" because you don't have a real answer . But they just keep asking. And It Sucks. Because You Know That feeling that eats at your thoughts, It doesn't care at all. And It aggravates you and drives you crazy and it hurts, And you try to focus on something else, something constructive, but you find yourself right back at where you were before. With That Stupid Feeling On Your Mind, And you know at this point That there isn't anything you can do, So you except it. And Live with for as long as it stays... and then It will leave. Only to come back. And you will hate it. But thats how it will be.

mood: Blank

 I NEED HELP....
WITH NAMES, 
I AM GOING TO WRITE A STORY THINGY 
AND I NEED NAME SUGGESTIONS 
PLEASES.......

 

Emotions....? My emotions are jumbled up into a pile of tangled yarn. And That yarn seems impossible to untangle, But I guess, I guess I will try to untangle the yarn. I have so many people colse to me. and it seems that the more I bottle feelings the more distant I become, But the more emotion I let out the more distant I become. Either way... I lose. And I just want to be close to someone and not have to worry about them saying anything about my emotions, and how I show affection - Which is actually pretty Unaffectionate... And I might have found that. But I'm so apprehensive about that... What if I really DID find thid? Then what would I have to look for. I spent so much time looking for a preson that wouldn't care about the things that I have problems doing normally. And If I find that I feel I will have noothing to do. And then I will end up messing everything up somehow. Because I always figure out how to do that. I have no idea what to do, or how to do it. I'm confused, Upset, Happy, Angry Et cetera. All at the same time... I just... I just don't know... that's the only thing I can think to say at the moment.  I  Don't Know ...

mood: Lost tags: emotions, feelings, me?, thoughts

 Blind

The girl sat in her room, Listening for the door to click closed. She sat on her bed, silently waiting... Waiting... Waiting. Trying to stay as clam as possible, thought the nurse was pushing her luck. The girl's white, blank, Expressionless eyes stared straight a head of her. Staring straight at the blank, white wall in front of her. Her pure white hair water falling around her shoulders, Down across her back. Gracefully, Softly, it flowed down to her hips as she stood. She walked slowly and precisely, listening intently for her "Guardian" to leave. Her features turn ferociously intense as she discovered her Guardian wasn't going to leave. By the girl's third stride the woman, the Guardian, had left. And the door made a satisfying click. What drove her out of the room? Controlling fear and human nature. Why? As innocent and lovely as this girl might seem- With her innocent, yet intense, blind stare, Her pure white eyes. Her pure white hair, framing her frail pale complexion- This girl was in the hospital for the unstable for many reasons. But today, not today would she provoke more fear into the heart of the hospital, For she had gotten the sound she wanted. She got the click of the door, The sound of aloneness. 

mood: Dead tags: blind, girl, mental hospital, pure, scared, white

 Autumn 

The autumn wind danced against the girls bruised skin, The girl Danced gracefully through the forest. The trees were glowing as the boy followed her through the forest. The boy, with his perfect Auburn hair, the boy, with his intense Blue-Grey eyes. The boy, with a smile that could melt the girl's heart. She secretly smile as she slowed her dance to a walk, her hands began to slid against each tree she passed, and in her mind, all the trees in the forest were aflame because that's the only thing she could focus on to keep her face emotionless. She listened to the leaves as they voiced the presence of the boy. The sound of crunching leaves comforted somewhat, Because it let her know that the boy was following her, and it let her know that she wasn't alone. She occasionally glanced back at the boy, to make sure that she wasn't just imagining the leaves speak, but every time she turned to check, he was there, his intense eyes seemed to pierce through her skin, Impale her body. She was almost positive that he was thinking the same thing, as she stared at him with her mismatching eyes, the left one green with gold starburst-ing inward from the dark, black ring circling her iris towards her pupil, The other Blue with purple flecks placed at random through her iris, The wind pulled her attention back in front of her and she began to twirl in dance with it as she moved forward, Her white dress dancing around her knees like a clumsy child. The girl looked up towards the sky for stars as she twirled with the wind, But all she was the lovely moon, Laughing as the sun continued to sink into darkness. When the girl reached the water she turned behind her to see where the boy was, which wasn't too far behind. She began to sway with the wind as the temperature dropped lower, in hopes of staying warm. But she smiled widely at the moon's reflection whispering with a voice of sweet satisfaction as she said "It's Autumn again," she smiled wider even in discomfort she had to smile. She saw a last glimpse of long shadows against the water as her eyes shut slowly, when her eyes were closed she began to wonder about Autumn, one thought in particular stood out: Would Autumn be as special if it never left? Just as she started thinking about it deeply she felt warmth shield her from the growing cold. She didn't have to turn around to know that the arms belonged to the boy. They stood there in silence for a long time. But time passed fast. When the boy moved from behind her to in front of her she stumbled back and forced her eyes open. Only to find his face very close to hers. His intense stormy eyes staring straight into her mismatched ones. And his lips collided with hers and she fell into him. This was the answer to a question no one knew. This was the start of Autumn. The moon smiled. The wind danced around the boy and the girl. The trees sang. The boy and the girl stood there holding hands a the sun waved goodbye. 

mood: nostalgic tags: autumn, boy, girl, him, lonely, love, moon, stars, sun

 Blue Eyes

The girl lies in the dark of the night, underneath the stars. She stares up at the sky, the moon in particular. As the calm breath of autumn soothes her bare arms her eyes flutter shut. As her mind drifts into a dream-like state all she can focus on is stormy, blue eyes, angry and sad, focused and lost, confused and scared. Who these eyes belonged to she couldn’t say, the eyes she saw were gorgeous. These eyes had pale gray in them, starburst-ing outward from the black pupil, and flecks of green placed randomly around the iris, drowning in the angry blue. She awoke taking in short, sharp, ragged breaths of envy and fear. She want eyes so intense, so fearful… She slipped into the darkness of her dreamless sleep.

mood: scared tags: eh...

 I've never seen things more clearly than when I look into your clear, blue eyes. And thy are all I can think about as I lie alone in the dark tonight.

 

mood: lonely tags: amazing, beautiful..., blue, clear, eyes

 I sit in the dark and try not to cry,

But tears slip down my face after time.

I think of today, 

Thoughts rush through,

The ones that stick out,

are ones of you.

now In the dark, 

I'll wait,

For my phone to ring, 

For your voice to sound, 

For guidance,

For stars, and the moon, 

For company,

For you...

mood: crushed tags: for, free verse, him, poem?

 Note to self: Don't stay up all night by the phone, The call never comes...

mood: blank tags: advice, call, not, self, to

 Skin Memories

She dropped the towel. Letting her Eyes Wonder across her skin. There were bruises on her upper arms and cuts across her back, these areas of her skin jumped out at her, ‘Was It Really That Bad,’ She thought to herself. The Purple-blue skin, The blue-black skin, The scratched Red skin Stuck out In her mind as she placed her towel Back on her shoulders and walked back into the room. The same thoughts ran through her mind, She continued to think about the oddly colored skin, The rest was just skin, but the red, itchy skin held memories, As did the purple-blue skin, and blue-black skin. She slid into a over-sized shirt and curled into her bed, she huddled under the covers as tears streamed down her face- Tears she didn’t even acknowledge. That night, The girl silently cried herself to sleep, And subconsciously kept thinking the same thing. The scars might fade a bit in time, the bruises Will disappear, The skin color will return, but the memories will stay. And no matter where These things go off to, they will always remain- to her, and in her mind- skin memories.

mood: depressed tags: abused, love, memories, pain, skin